I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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