i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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