why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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