The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize