He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize