your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
