So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
