I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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