Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's never too late to be topless.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
