Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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