Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
