yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
