I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
