she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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