I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
