Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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