i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
