I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
