I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
