her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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