Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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