nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize