he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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