It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize