how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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