just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
