There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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