so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
