just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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