I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
