A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its not stalking. its research.
i will never coherently bang her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
