I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
