there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
