my room smells like sperm. sweet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
