do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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