Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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