is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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