Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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