can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize