this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
