sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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