my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
