I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize