i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
