I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
