I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
