Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
