got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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