End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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