i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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