I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
