Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
