Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Welp...herpes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
home. puking in laundry basket.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
