Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
