I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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