every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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