Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
