Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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