i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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