the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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