No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
