"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it fun? or sober?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
