Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
