i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
