dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
