whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
