dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your penis caused this!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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