I feel like abortions should bother me more
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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