I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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