Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
