You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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