Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish my penis had a tongue
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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