why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
