She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
